Actively Listening at Work (and Why It Helps)
By Joseph Gaccione
Most of us don't even realize we're doing it. I'm talking about, "listening fails." Here's an example: You're listening to a co-worker talk, but you're thinking about the groceries you're going to get later. Or as your boss is talking to you, you nod when you don't know what they're talking about. You could ask, but you want to get on with your day. Or, more commonly, you're addressing a group of people, and half of them are on their phones, scrolling or typing away. You hear the words, the sounds, but you could be just waiting for the right moment to say what you think. You're listening only to reply, instead of listening to understand.
To paraphrase a popular quote from the late educator and national speaker Steven Covey, “Actively listening to someone is harder than it sounds, but it’s such a critical component to how we interact with others, especially at work, where the consequences of missing something important are elevated.”
Here are some examples of bad (and common) listening habits, explained by “Verywell Mind”:
Stuck in your head
Interrupting the other person speaking is very common. We want to say what we have to say, even if it means cutting off someone else talking. You’re also tuning out other details while preparing your rebuttal.
Trying to “top” one story with your own (“You think that’s impressive? Wait till you hear what I have to say…”)
Asking about unimportant details
Rushing the speaker
These are just a few ways to ruin a professional or personal relationship. If it’s obvious you’re not paying attention, you’ve now come off as distracted or disinterested, and that can effectively hurt your social connections. But there are plenty of tools to help you change these habits from negative to positive. There are different ways to practice active listening, aside from just doing the opposite of what was listed above. “The Center for Creative Leadership” breaks down several key options, including:
Don’t be judgmental – have an open mind when talking with someone. You could learn a new idea or perspective instead of being closed off to a different opinion.
Reflect – copying what the other person is saying and paraphrasing what they say helps retain conversational information to make sure you both are on the same page
Clarify – it’s ok to ask a question if you don’t understand. It shows you’re paying attention and that you’re engaged in the conversation. You may stumble on something important by being inquisitive verses just going along with the dialogue.
Silence is OK – nobody likes uncomfortable silences, but not all silences are bad. It's fine not to respond to a person's speech. A break in conversation can be positive. You have time to collect your thoughts and consider what you want to say. This goes hand in hand with the bad habit of interrupting: a lot of people feel they need to comment, but that’s not always the case. Consider the effect of what someone just said. Is it necessary to speak right after they're done, or should the weight of the topic linger, so its impact is felt?
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:
You can be actively listening without saying anything. Ask yourself if you make eye contact when someone is talking; watch for the speaker’s facial expression; listen to their tone; look at their body language. Non-verbal cues can speak volumes, if not more than words. This goes both ways, too.
Example: You’re working on your computer, and someone comes up to your desk with a question. They’re talking to you, but your eyes are glued to the computer screen. Plus, you’re typing away, like the speaker isn’t even there!
If you’re not making eye contact with the person that’s talking, that can show a lack of respect or interest. You may not mean to do it. You could be under a strict deadline or in a groove to get all your assignments done, but whether it’s intentional or not, a distracted listener can have a negative impact on others.
Active listening not only builds and strengthens relationships, but it will make you a more valuable and attentive worker. You focus on the speaker and what they’re saying. That’s a huge skill to have, whether you’re a friend or a leader. It’s not supposed to be easy; it takes work to be an active listener.